Twas the day before Christmas...

... and all through the town, not a creature was stirring... can't find rhyming noun.

I rode the 7:48 into the fair Elm City with 6 other people this morning... 3 of whom got on at my stop. I've never seen the train that empty. It was eerie. I guess no one works Christmas Eve anymore. Possibly too busy beating each other over the last Transformer in Toys-R-Us.

Against what I might call rational judgement, I was actually engaging in commerce yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I expected. I even... dare I say it... went to the mall. Granted, the lines were a bit longer, and the toy stores looked as if violent tornadoes had relieved them of most of their merchandise, but over all, not the terror I would have expected.

I finished the grand bulk of my Christmas shopping just after Thanksgiving this year, so I had nothing Earth-shaking I had to buy -- that might explain why I was able to navigate the pre-holiday chaos in a relatively stress-free way. It also allowed me a better opportunity to observe the masses -- to view the last-minute shopper in its natural habitat.

This morning, some of my co-workers shared this discussion, so I must in fairness state that not all of these observations are my own. But, that being said, allow me to present to you some thoughts on the last-minute shopper.

20 or so years ago it was the Cabbage Patch Kids; this year, the toy you'd most likely see two adults getting into a fist fight over: Transformers. I saw plenty of displays for them, but not one actual Transformer on a shelf; a couple in carts. I saw a cashier bringing back some cash register restock with at least on Transformer in the basket -- alas some unfortunate person got to the register only to find they couldn't afford little Joey's Transformer -- no less than 3 grown men, sacrificing their spots in a 2-hour long check-out line, dove on the basket to acquire the single, unidentified Transformer action figure.

This year's big shelf-stocking error: Wrestlers. The store shelves are overflowing with them; there are no less than 80 different wresting figures available from 4 different leagues; there are modern wrestlers as well as figures of the greats going back to the late 70's; sold individually, in 2-packs, 4-packs, and whole 10-packs; no one is buying them.

When it comes to last last minute, people aren't shopping for specific items. If I may dare quote Shannon Hamilton in Mallrats, "...I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda." These people are just buying anything to have a gift to give. If it's on a shelf, the seem to believe someone will want it. Sometimes I'd guess they didn't even know who they were buying for, just buying. 'I'm sure someone will need this pair of size 28 men's briefs.'

I will never understand. I'm not big on holiday shopping to begin with; I prefer to shop online when at all possible. But I will never understand what actions lead people to begin their shopping on December 23rd, or what makes them then acquire the things they do. I guess there's only one thing to say...

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your Wrestling action figure and size 28 briefs.