random thoughts of the drive home (with 11 hour delay)

I will try to keep this honest and shut off the filter called sobriety. So, I will now attempt to make this post in vino veritas after the fact.

I think at this point I'm going to say that, contrary to the opinions of those who knew him before me, Charlie isn't actually a douchebag. He's kinda growing on me as a person. But that doesn't change the fact that as a KJ, he sort of sucks. I don't see any reason to tolerate that anymore.

Which brings me to "Buddy Bar-Owner"... The longer I know him, the more I think he kinda is a douchebag. He's maybe more like the friend that you know is a bad person. I had a friend like that a while back, he was a great friend, but really not a good person. The fact that my buddy owns a bar is no longer a reason to go to a bad bar. If he had a shred of integrity, and could keep to a promise, maybe. But then again, I wouldn't be going to see him at his bar at that point, I'd be going to work, or going to see Firecracker at work.

So, we made a good choice. Open Mic was a better scene. Cool to see Old-Friend-Bassist-Dude. Cool to see Firecracker's "brother". The rest seemed cool people, and although I hadn't known then for years, I felt pretty welcomed. Maybe next time I'll make the attempt to sing. Might check out Friday's show.

Have to admit, the competition for Firecracker's attention was a little thick. Maybe I'm only bothered by it because I was one of the competitors. Its sad that there are scores of guys who'd like nothing more than to have her to themselves, but at the same time are just the wrong guys. And so they are the endless stream of big brothers and Stanford Blatches, who but for the wrong time and place...

Human self image is such a strange thing. Why is it that we only see ourselves as being good enough, good looking enough, worthy of a certain level of person, and really understand our wants and value at a time when it no longer matters. Its funny how no one is out of your league when your no longer playing. But I have the feeling that if you were to come out of retirement, all the old insecurities would just come rushing back.

OK, I lied. There was another part from the random stream of thoughts as I drove that I think I'll have to cut. Another time perhaps, but not here right now. Sorry, I guess "indeed my hypocrisy knows no bounds."

Currently listening :
Nobody's Home
By Avril Lavigne
Release date: 15 November, 2004