Twas the day before Christmas...

... and all through the town, not a creature was stirring... can't find rhyming noun.

I rode the 7:48 into the fair Elm City with 6 other people this morning... 3 of whom got on at my stop. I've never seen the train that empty. It was eerie. I guess no one works Christmas Eve anymore. Possibly too busy beating each other over the last Transformer in Toys-R-Us.

Against what I might call rational judgement, I was actually engaging in commerce yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I expected. I even... dare I say it... went to the mall. Granted, the lines were a bit longer, and the toy stores looked as if violent tornadoes had relieved them of most of their merchandise, but over all, not the terror I would have expected.

I finished the grand bulk of my Christmas shopping just after Thanksgiving this year, so I had nothing Earth-shaking I had to buy -- that might explain why I was able to navigate the pre-holiday chaos in a relatively stress-free way. It also allowed me a better opportunity to observe the masses -- to view the last-minute shopper in its natural habitat.

This morning, some of my co-workers shared this discussion, so I must in fairness state that not all of these observations are my own. But, that being said, allow me to present to you some thoughts on the last-minute shopper.

20 or so years ago it was the Cabbage Patch Kids; this year, the toy you'd most likely see two adults getting into a fist fight over: Transformers. I saw plenty of displays for them, but not one actual Transformer on a shelf; a couple in carts. I saw a cashier bringing back some cash register restock with at least on Transformer in the basket -- alas some unfortunate person got to the register only to find they couldn't afford little Joey's Transformer -- no less than 3 grown men, sacrificing their spots in a 2-hour long check-out line, dove on the basket to acquire the single, unidentified Transformer action figure.

This year's big shelf-stocking error: Wrestlers. The store shelves are overflowing with them; there are no less than 80 different wresting figures available from 4 different leagues; there are modern wrestlers as well as figures of the greats going back to the late 70's; sold individually, in 2-packs, 4-packs, and whole 10-packs; no one is buying them.

When it comes to last last minute, people aren't shopping for specific items. If I may dare quote Shannon Hamilton in Mallrats, "...I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda." These people are just buying anything to have a gift to give. If it's on a shelf, the seem to believe someone will want it. Sometimes I'd guess they didn't even know who they were buying for, just buying. 'I'm sure someone will need this pair of size 28 men's briefs.'

I will never understand. I'm not big on holiday shopping to begin with; I prefer to shop online when at all possible. But I will never understand what actions lead people to begin their shopping on December 23rd, or what makes them then acquire the things they do. I guess there's only one thing to say...

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your Wrestling action figure and size 28 briefs.

Can we keep the Holidays out of the office?

I'm not trying to be the big Scrooge here, but I feel like filing for conscientious objector status for the holidays here at work. Yes, I'm agnostic, but that has nothing to do with it.

I celebrate Christmas, not out of religious reasons, but simple tradition. I believe most do. While you're standing in line to let your kids sit on the mall Santa's lap, juggling your 30 bags of commerce, most of us aren't thinking 'happy birthday Jesus'. But I digress.

I'm not against the holidays. I love the holidays. Family, friends, cookies, food, music, log in the fireplace... and heck, gifts ain't bad either. I just don't want the holidays in my office. And I'm not even going to go into the omission of Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Festivus. Let's start at the beginning...

Monday, November 26th, still bloated with turkey leftovers, still groggy from 4 a.m. Black Friday shopping, I walk into the office at 7 a.m. to be blinded by the "North Polock's" 700 kilowatt winter wonderland. It's the cubicle next to mine, but it pours over into my space -- a light up animatronic reindeer pokes his head over the wall at me every 45 seconds.

Not to be undone, the big dumb Irishman brings us an electronic tree that looks like something Charlie Brown would have had, should he have been skilled with fiber-optics. Now, not only is this tree hideous, but it blocks my view of the front door, so I can no longer see anyone come in the office. And if that wasn't the worst of it, Jolly Ol' St. Patrick doesn't even work in my section of the office... he just thought it would be nice if he spread his Christmas Joy to our workspace.

Then there's the parties. 5 or 6 Government branches work in my building. Each one with a Christmas party. Day parties, luncheons, evening parties, private parties, public parties... just too many parties. One can do maybe one or two, then just try to duck out of the rest. A bunch of us made our decision on one public, nighttime party, $50, open bar, thrown by a different agency. The one our agency throws is a complete drag, plus it's much better to get ripped when your supervisor, boss, and his boss aren't there.

Office luncheon... no way out of that pot-luck nightmare -- luckily, the boss makes good lasagna. Friday, another office party -- really the in-house drinking party; not possibly legal, but often fun. Now the "real" office Christmas party is Thursday night -- skipping that (as I said, drinking with the boss...). I'm overwhelmed already. I want it over.

Nope, not even close. Secret Santa? I opted out of that. Then it was cancelled anyway. OK, good. No office gift exchanging either? Maybe? Probably not. Christmas eve, my desk will invariably be covered with gifts I don't need from people I never intended to exchange gifts with. Heck, half these people wouldn't even be on my Christmas card list if I wasn't getting these mediocrely wrapped packages containing coffee mugs filled with chocolates, or Starbucks 3-packs.

And a candle swap? I'm not even sure what that is. Everyone brings in a Yankee candle, puts them in a bag... and you pull a candle. If I wanted a candle, wouldn't I buy myself a candle? No, I buy a candle, to exchange it, randomly, for a different candle? Is there a point? This is somehow better than Secret Santa? Again, I opt out.

It's holiday time here...

Can I just opt out of the whole thing?

All I wanted for Christmas

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Category: Blogging

I got exactly what I wanted this Christmas.

I spent this Christmas up at my sister's this year. Christmas eve with the family; wake up Christmas morning... 6 a.m., because the youngest (3 1/2 months) wanted to eat. But the oldest of my sister's 3, at 2 1/2, really started Christmas morning at 8:30. Normally I'm not a morning person, but with the kids there (and a cup of coffee in hand) I was OK with it this once.

So, I'm sipping coffee, and watching the kids eye the mountain of gifts from Santa... not to mention the equally large stack from Mommy, Poppy, Nana, and Uncle Ian... and on my lap is Chubba-Wubba.

OK, my sister did not name her second-born "Chubba-Wubba", but all those children have a multitude of nicknames. Kayden Ivy Turner is affectionately known as Chubba-Wubba, and that unto itself is a fantastic thing. Kayden was born September 18, 2004, about 5 months premature. A so-called micro-preemie at 1 lb. 10 oz., its absolutely fantastic that she could at this point suit the nickname Chubba-Wubba.

So I spent Christmas morning with Kayden on my lap, smiling as she always ALWAYS does, helping her unwrap her gifts, and my gifts, and watching her chew the envelope of my card, and marvel at the Christmas wonder that is new socks. It was just great to see that little one ripping Christmas wrap... and just that much better knowing that last year she was still in the hospital this time of year.

So that was my Christmas. That was all I wanted for Christmas. Granted, I got a good amount of really nice gifts, too. But when it comes down to it, Kayden on my lap this year was worth far more to me than any material gift could be.

Granted, there was one down note to this Christmas... a slight sadness. One person was definitely missing from my Christmas this year, one I've spent countless holidays with. But this year, one important person in my life was absent for this Christmukkah season. It was unfamiliar not to have her here. And she was missed.

As time flies by

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Current mood: hungry

Wow, its January 18th... already. Only 18 days into the new year, but it feels like yesterday I was shoulder-blocking mall patrons trying to finish up the last of my Christmas shopping.

The good news is, having made no real resolutions, I have gone back on none of them. As for my change of attitude, I think I've been doing a decent job of making this year about me. Not selfish or self absorbed; I think I'll call my new attitude "self-interested".

Its very cold today. For the first time in a long time even I'm complaining its cold. Usually its 30 degrees, I'm in shorts, and bitching about the heat being up too much. Its supposed to get colder as the week goes on. So now my challenge is to find a way to keep my ears warm without screwing up my fabulous hair. Either that or contemplate the ear-less look as I lose them to frostbite.

It has the feelings of becoming a long week. Luckily we had yesterday off, and its already Tuesday. A long 4-day week is still better than a short 5-day week.

So, I'll hold to that thought for now.

On the New Year

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Well, its that time of year again, when we all make promises to ourself that we have no hope of keeping. So I'm saving myself the guilt this year. I don't resolve to quit anything, start doing anything, or try harder at anything. My only resolution is to do my best have a good year.

I know I don't have the final authority on that one; fate has its way of intervening on such things. But, I will do everything in my power toward such ends. I'm resolved to have a good time whenever possible, and not to put up with as much negative attitude. If as Firecracker said, 2004 was the Year of the Douchebag, 2005 will be the year of telling the douchebags to go to hell.

I've spoken to a lot of people about their thoughts on the New Year, and most have the same feelings: "This year I'm going to be a bit more selfish. No one else is looking out for me but me." I know I have to agree with that, I lost a lot of 2004 looking after and looking out for other people. Not that I'm going to stop caring for and about my loved ones, but many of us went a bit too far last year, and this year we need to put ourselves first.

Holiday Spirit

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Current mood: aggravated

Losing my grip on the true spirit of the holidays. Not the joyous celebration of the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ; not that religious. No, just the spirit of giving. I'm not saying I'm just in it for the gifts. Just that the spirit of giving is being overtaken by the spirit of busting someone's lip open with the bag of 3 gifts I fought 6 hours to find.

I'm not much of a shopper. This year I got a nice early jump on it. Got about half my shopping done within days of Thanksgiving. Thought I was doing well. Put off the other half way too long.

Went out tonight to get what should have been 5 easy things. Things I didn't even have to brave a mall to get. No dice. Went to the mall in spite of myself. Not only did I not find a single thing at the mall, but I was assaulted (olfactorily) by both the "Perfume Hut" and a sock stand.

See I have fairly bad allergies, and most perfumes make me sneeze uncontrollably. I miss navigated the mall, and coming within 50 feet of the dread smell of 178 different perfumes mixed together had me sneezing for the next 450 feet of mall. The sock stand, however, was but an unexpected bonus. Little did I know, that since the "sock stand" is right next to the "meat log stand", the "sock stand lady" sprays her wares with the cheapest perfume known to man to keep them from carrying the enchanting odor of meat log.

I happened upon her kiosk of hosiery exactly at the moment she felt to refresh their non-meaty fragrance. Not only was the spray dizzying in its malodorousness, but I accidentally intercepted the cloud that lingered, carrying this allergy nightmare with me for the rest of my mall endeavour.

So, there I was, empty-handed, sneezing uncontrollably, unable to escape the allergy nightmare that had attached itself to me, realizing that I would probably be doing the same dreaded thing tomorrow night.

Gosh I love the holidays.

Currently listening :
Emotive
By A Perfect Circle
Release date: 02 November, 2004