31 January 2005

The Continuing Tale of Buddy Bartender

So its Saturday... about 10:00 p.m. I'm at my friend's new place, after having just busted my ass helping him move at a whirlwind pace. (We unpacked a full, stuffed, UHaul truck in 59 minutes to get it back on time.)

So we're sitting around, and my phone rings. I take a look... "Incoming Call: M______ D_______". So, I turn to my friend, "It's my buddy that owns the bar. Oh, he left a voicemail, you gotta listen to this!"

So I check my voicemail on speakerphone so my friend and his wife can hear just how pathetic Buddy Bartender is.

"Hey! Its M____. Yeah... I haven't heard from you in a while. What're you up to. If you're not doing anything, why don't you come on down. I'm workin' tonight."

Now at this point, I'm thinking 'Wow, is it pathetic or what when the bartender is calling individual patrons to come down on a Saturday night', and the message continues...

"Yeah, we should hang out."

Really, when your friend asks you to hang out, are you paying him $4 a beer?

"Oh, and we should talk about the Benefit. Yeah, its all set for the 27th. Yeah, so if your not doing anything, you should come on down. Gimme a call."

So, I did offer to help him with the benefit. I don't know what help I can give him. I've got his media hook-up all set, but what's to promote when he can't even get one band I'd actually listen to?

So I explain this to my friends, about the benefit, and what a loser he's become, and how we sort of abandoned his bar, and then it hits me...

The voicemail was crystal clear, no background noise whatsoever. No band, no noisy patrons, nothing. Nothing at all.

22 January 2005

Snowed in

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: cold


... well not really. I do have a decent SUV, and could get out if I need to. But nonetheless, I hate the feeling. I would say I need or want to be anywhere today, but knowing that I probably couldn't or shouldn't go out bothers me anyway.

Its very cold. The gas company left about an hour ago after fixing my furnace. We called them at 3:00 am. Great service in 12 hours. But anyway, we have heat again. Its just taking a while for the house to warm up.

So, I feel cold and trapped. but I guess my day is better than it began. I'll get over it. There's gotta be something fun to do today. Maybe a good movie. I have 200 channel digital cable that I really never use; time to see what's on.

Currently listening :
Countdown to Extinction
By Megadeth
Release date: 14 July, 1992

20 January 2005

random thoughts of the drive home (with 11 hour delay)

I will try to keep this honest and shut off the filter called sobriety. So, I will now attempt to make this post in vino veritas after the fact.

I think at this point I'm going to say that, contrary to the opinions of those who knew him before me, Charlie isn't actually a douchebag. He's kinda growing on me as a person. But that doesn't change the fact that as a KJ, he sort of sucks. I don't see any reason to tolerate that anymore.

Which brings me to "Buddy Bar-Owner"... The longer I know him, the more I think he kinda is a douchebag. He's maybe more like the friend that you know is a bad person. I had a friend like that a while back, he was a great friend, but really not a good person. The fact that my buddy owns a bar is no longer a reason to go to a bad bar. If he had a shred of integrity, and could keep to a promise, maybe. But then again, I wouldn't be going to see him at his bar at that point, I'd be going to work, or going to see Firecracker at work.

So, we made a good choice. Open Mic was a better scene. Cool to see Old-Friend-Bassist-Dude. Cool to see Firecracker's "brother". The rest seemed cool people, and although I hadn't known then for years, I felt pretty welcomed. Maybe next time I'll make the attempt to sing. Might check out Friday's show.

Have to admit, the competition for Firecracker's attention was a little thick. Maybe I'm only bothered by it because I was one of the competitors. Its sad that there are scores of guys who'd like nothing more than to have her to themselves, but at the same time are just the wrong guys. And so they are the endless stream of big brothers and Stanford Blatches, who but for the wrong time and place...

Human self image is such a strange thing. Why is it that we only see ourselves as being good enough, good looking enough, worthy of a certain level of person, and really understand our wants and value at a time when it no longer matters. Its funny how no one is out of your league when your no longer playing. But I have the feeling that if you were to come out of retirement, all the old insecurities would just come rushing back.

OK, I lied. There was another part from the random stream of thoughts as I drove that I think I'll have to cut. Another time perhaps, but not here right now. Sorry, I guess "indeed my hypocrisy knows no bounds."

Currently listening :
Nobody's Home
By Avril Lavigne
Release date: 15 November, 2004

18 January 2005

As time flies by

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: hungry


Wow, its January 18th... already. Only 18 days into the new year, but it feels like yesterday I was shoulder-blocking mall patrons trying to finish up the last of my Christmas shopping.

The good news is, having made no real resolutions, I have gone back on none of them. As for my change of attitude, I think I've been doing a decent job of making this year about me. Not selfish or self absorbed; I think I'll call my new attitude "self-interested".

Its very cold today. For the first time in a long time even I'm complaining its cold. Usually its 30 degrees, I'm in shorts, and bitching about the heat being up too much. Its supposed to get colder as the week goes on. So now my challenge is to find a way to keep my ears warm without screwing up my fabulous hair. Either that or contemplate the ear-less look as I lose them to frostbite.

It has the feelings of becoming a long week. Luckily we had yesterday off, and its already Tuesday. A long 4-day week is still better than a short 5-day week.

So, I'll hold to that thought for now.

13 January 2005

Self destruction

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: groggy


Hung over... still.

I made the mistake of deciding to call in sick while I while I was still out. In a way, I guess I knew I needed a day, but the effect was sort of giving myself permission to get fucking retarded. I remember last night, but it is a bit blurry.

In my cloistered (right word, I think) existence, I build up, then go out and release. Unfortunately, if I'm not out drinking, I'm working, or at home doing absofuckinglutely nothing. I should build a macro of the 5 or 6 email accounts, PHP boards, and other websites I check religiously in sequence.

If I'm not in front of my computer, I'm watching some Discovery Channel program about building or rebuilding cars or bikes. I'd really like to get out there and actually try some of this stuff, but I don't have the budget to start such a project. So, I sit around thinking how cool it would be to do this or that thing to my Golf. I could probably do most of it myself if not for the lack of tools and facilities. So I wonder how ridiculously expensive it would be to have it done, and usually resign myself to completing the mod only in Photoshop. (The rallye stripes look awesome on the jpeg, but will probably never make it on my car.)

So I have all this pent up desire to be constructive, but all I get to do is think about it. I need a change. My job is frustrating, and my life is becoming equally so. So, once a week, I go out and unload it all, and have a good time (I think), and realize the next day that I really didn't. What am I doing?

Maybe I need to find a better down time. What does a 28 year old guy do to unwind. I've thought about it. Of the evening entertainments out there, is there one better suited for me than drinking? I'm fairly certain my liver hopes so. I really want to bartend -- all the fun, less alcohol consumption.

I'm losing focus, both in this blog entry, and in my life. Am I where I want to be right now? Do I know where I'm supposed to be? A year ago, I was living this same life, but I found it fun; I really felt like I was living. Now, I feel like I'm buying time, going through the motions. But what the heck am I waiting for? What great thing is going to happen to give my life purpose?

And will I survive until then?

Currently listening :
Audioslave
By Audioslave
Release date: 19 November, 2002

12 January 2005

People confuse me

I have to wonder why people ask certain things when they don't want an answer. Sometimes I wonder why people speak at all.

We recently relocated at work. Those who weren't effected believe it's the greatest thing for us. Those of us who moved think it's horrible. And we're not even complaining because we liked our old space, or because the desks are smaller. There are legitimate issues of efficiency in the new location.

So every day, twice to thrice a day, someone asks me, "So how do you like the new space? It's nice, right?" But the problem is, they don't want an answer. And, I seem to be pissing people off with my candor because I don't think they want the answer I have to give.

I have decided for my own sanity, to stop placating people. I've noticed a lot of people have. 2005 seems to be a year of brutal honesty. So, since I don't want to lie, and say "Oh yeah, it's great", what do I do?

How do you answer the question that really is "So how do you like the new space? It's nice, right? I've been convinced of that, so don't disagree with me."?

I don't know how to deal with this, but if I have to one more time, I think I'm gonna lose my shit.

10 January 2005

Do you have your sign?

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: cynical


My new profile image is this sign. I'm certain it's a Photoshop manipulation, but it rings so true nonetheless. My job in many ways reminds me of this sign. Today I suggested hanging a sign outside my office that read as follows:

This is the Prosecutors' Office.
Our main duty is to attempt to put people in jail.
Please keep this in mind before asking your question.


Oddly, most people who heard this suggestion received it pretty well, and took it fairly seriously. I guess we're all sort of burnt.

To steal a rant from a friend, it’s like the silica gel shipped with electronics and leather goods to prevent moisture. There is a warning printed on it that reads "Do Not Eat". Why? Did some idiot think his CD player came with free mints? Do we really want to remind the stupid of the obvious? I don't. I think Darwinism says they should have been killed by a rampaging mammoth by now.

The signs only make us dumber. The fact that I put up my last office sign in English and Spanish only perpetuates the idea that people in this country need not learn English. The average Dutchman speaks 4 languages and smokes marijuana. Are people who put mayonnaise on french fries our intellectual superiors?

You can sue someone in this country if you spill hot coffee on your own crotch. But... not if the cup is labeled "Warning! Hot Coffee may be Hot!" We are no longer expected to comprehend the obvious unless it’s written down for us. So, buy deduction, it's now culturally acceptable to be an imbecile, but not to be illiterate. Hmm.

Perhaps the true meaning of it all is you can get away with anything if you're the first one to do it. I think I'll try suing the company who made my tailpipe for nearly asphyxiating myself when I try to playing it like a musical instrument. I'll collect 2.6 million dollars, and next week we'll all have warning labels that say "Caution! Tailpipe is not a Musical Instrument. Do Not put in Mouth!". But now I have to act quickly, before one of you out there steals my lawsuit.

My favourite comedian, Eddie Izzard has a joke about the Catholics and "Original Sin", like it’s a contest to impress the priest with a sin he's never heard before. It may not quite work that way in the Church of Rome, but it seems to in a court of law.

In the mean time, I have to go. I have more signs to put up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And again, I'm listening to a CD that isn't available from Amazon, so I'll have to type it in.

Currently listening:
Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge
By My Chemical Romance
Released: 2004

09 January 2005

And the night played on...

So I went out last night, to my buddy's bar, to see a couple bands. The headlining band was awesome. The opening band was good for a group of 14 and 15 years olds (who books 14 & 15 year olds???). Didn't stay much past the 1st song of the 3rd band; I was just beat from the day and the week.

Generally a good show, and a good night out; the Guinness was flowing pretty freely. But the interesting point of the night came on about 12. That's when I had to say to myself, "Who invited the hookers?"

I love watching people, seeing what kinds of people come to places, and what crazy things that actually costume themselves in before they arrive. And these three where great. With their entourage of "Vinny the Super-Guid'", "Paco the Busboy", and the 2 old gay dudes, these three evoked questions such as “Is that a skirt or a belt?”, “Can human hair actually be bleached that much or is she an albino with a bad perm?”, and “Gee, when I’m not looking, does my mom actually dress that bad?”

They were a sight to behold! Makes me wish I had a camera-phone.

Earth is a fascinating place.

Currently listening:
Brethren
By Ink
Release date: 2004

07 January 2005

Mr. Murphy and his damn law

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: exhausted


Just got home from work. 3 hrs and 45 minutes later. Bad enough day at work... Bad enough week, really...

But 3 hours and 45 minutes between my job and home -- usually 20 minutes. For what? A stupid flat tire.

A flat tire should be resolved in less than 3 hours and 45 minutes. No? Not today, I guess.

So I'm a half mile from my exit. Hear an odd noise. Like the noise a vibration would make, but without the vibration. So I pull off at the gas station... its flat. Well not very flat. There isn't much flat a 45 series (low profile) tire can get.

Air. Nope. Tire is losing air faster than the pump can put it in. OK, call wife. Have wife come to gas station with my extra tires. What the heck, I have 5 spares! Wife calls back. Her truck covered in ice. Where's ice scraper? Windshield wiper is... Cell phone dies!

Now I have my phone on me every day. Charge it every night. Battery lasts 3 days. Nope. Cell phone will always die when tire is flat.

Wife arrives at gas station with spare tires. With the full-size spare in my trunk I now have 9 tires with me. Jack in hand, trusty VW tool kit at the ready... VW lug wrench doesn't fit after market BBS wheels!

Back home. Change out of work clothes into jeans. Get lug wrench. Call tire place. Road hazard: yes, tire in stock: no, get it tomorrow: possibly. OK, I can deal with that. Phone on charger, back to gas station.

Round 2- Lug wrench: check, Jack: check, Spare tire: check check check check check. Jack up car. Jack crank is of course longer than ground clearance. Bust knuckle. Ow! Still going. Wheel off. Other wheel... What the ?!? How does the OEM wheel not fit?!?

Inspect hub. Inspect wheel. Inspect other wheel. Hmmm... Oh, hub spacer. Hub spacer? Weird after market BBS wheels. Just... take... off... Damn! Hub spacer won't come off.

Contemplate. Car up on flimsy roadside jack in gas station parking lot. Flat tire fits, spare tire doesn't. Could take flat tire to tire shop and have flat replaced, but can't leave car in parking lot on flimsy jack. Could put on spare and drive car to tire shop, but spare tire won't go on. What do I... Wait! Roadside Assistance!!

Call VW roadside assistance. Flat tire. Yes, I have a spare. No, I can't put it on. No, I don't think he could put it on either. Flat bed? One hour? OK. Mmm... gas station dinner.

OK, well, the towing went OK, and hopefully I'll have a new tire tomorrow. Got no car until then. But damn you, Mr. Murphy. Did if have to be today? I'm tired.

03 January 2005

On the New Year

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: hopeful


Well, its that time of year again, when we all make promises to ourself that we have no hope of keeping. So I'm saving myself the guilt this year. I don't resolve to quit anything, start doing anything, or try harder at anything. My only resolution is to do my best have a good year.

I know I don't have the final authority on that one; fate has its way of intervening on such things. But, I will do everything in my power toward such ends. I'm resolved to have a good time whenever possible, and not to put up with as much negative attitude. If as Firecracker said, 2004 was the Year of the Douchebag, 2005 will be the year of telling the douchebags to go to hell.

I've spoken to a lot of people about their thoughts on the New Year, and most have the same feelings: "This year I'm going to be a bit more selfish. No one else is looking out for me but me." I know I have to agree with that, I lost a lot of 2004 looking after and looking out for other people. Not that I'm going to stop caring for and about my loved ones, but many of us went a bit too far last year, and this year we need to put ourselves first.