22 December 2004

Holiday Spirit

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: aggravated


Losing my grip on the true spirit of the holidays. Not the joyous celebration of the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ; not that religious. No, just the spirit of giving. I'm not saying I'm just in it for the gifts. Just that the spirit of giving is being overtaken by the spirit of busting someone's lip open with the bag of 3 gifts I fought 6 hours to find.

I'm not much of a shopper. This year I got a nice early jump on it. Got about half my shopping done within days of Thanksgiving. Thought I was doing well. Put off the other half way too long.

Went out tonight to get what should have been 5 easy things. Things I didn't even have to brave a mall to get. No dice. Went to the mall in spite of myself. Not only did I not find a single thing at the mall, but I was assaulted (olfactorily) by both the "Perfume Hut" and a sock stand.

See I have fairly bad allergies, and most perfumes make me sneeze uncontrollably. I miss navigated the mall, and coming within 50 feet of the dread smell of 178 different perfumes mixed together had me sneezing for the next 450 feet of mall. The sock stand, however, was but an unexpected bonus. Little did I know, that since the "sock stand" is right next to the "meat log stand", the "sock stand lady" sprays her wares with the cheapest perfume known to man to keep them from carrying the enchanting odor of meat log.

I happened upon her kiosk of hosiery exactly at the moment she felt to refresh their non-meaty fragrance. Not only was the spray dizzying in its malodorousness, but I accidentally intercepted the cloud that lingered, carrying this allergy nightmare with me for the rest of my mall endeavour.

So, there I was, empty-handed, sneezing uncontrollably, unable to escape the allergy nightmare that had attached itself to me, realizing that I would probably be doing the same dreaded thing tomorrow night.

Gosh I love the holidays.

Currently listening :
Emotive
By A Perfect Circle
Release date: 02 November, 2004

Who's he to talk?

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: contemplative


I recently found myself recounting a story of something a guy I know did/said to a friend of mine. And both times I told the story I made the comment "Who's he to talk, anyway?" Then later this evening, I wondered to myself, "well, who am I to talk, either?"

See, I saw any comment he made as "the pot calling the kettle black". But when you think about it, if it wasn't my friend, would I have made the same comment. Maybe not to his face, but worse, probably behind his back. So, who am I to talk?

Telling my friends, none of them question my right to make judgments as to whether he was cool enough, or not a dork enough, or whatever enough, to make said comment. But those were my friends. He was among his friends, and maybe among his friends he isn't so black a pot to make judgment on the kettle. It really is a matter of perspective.

Now I'm not arguing that the comment and actions weren't hurtful, and made with malice. For this reason I do not accept them. Therefore, I won't be rushing to hang out with this person anytime soon. he was mean to my friend, and therefore I don't have to tolerate him. But of the judgment I was so quick to make of him, who's anyone to talk? Him, me, whoever.

It is said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Won't be me, but I've got my rock in my hand, am I'm sure to toss the second.

Currently listening :
God Fodder
By Ned's Atomic Dustbin
Release date: 02 July, 1991

16 December 2004

Insomnia

Archive of the first MySpace blog
Current mood: awake


Why am I awake? Not that 1:00 am is so late, but soon it will be 2, then 3, then before I know it time to get up, and I won't have slept yet. This time tomorrow I'll be leaving the bar. Fun, but even worse for my sleep patterns. Enough whining.

I've spent most of the night fighting MySpace. Either their servers are over-taxed, or my internet connection is ungodly shitty. Either way, I've been minorly tweaking my profile under the most annoying circumstances. I've practically memorized the text of the page cannot be displayed page.

Got a PM from a friend yesterday pointing out my last Profile picture (since changed, but still online). Apparently a common acquaintance of ours, "CC", was looking at someone else's profile, and recognized me from their friends list, and felt the need to inform my friend (who's not a MySpace user). I was confused by this. Am I a topic of demented gossip? Was this done to make fun of me. Should I not have put a picture of my face up? Oh well, whatever, I guess in the end it gave me a story to tell.

I'm still trying to figure this whole MySpace thing out. I'm not sure what I'm doing here, but I kinda feel like taking advantage of it. Put a little formless thought on electronic paper from time to time. The biggest question has been, in a world where image can be completely constructed from scratch, how do I want to represent myself? My profile lends itself to a lot of that question. What is the face I want to put out to the world when I don't have to use my own face?

I'm trying to define myself, and coming up short. Am I the car I drive, the clothes I wear, the music I listen to, the people I hang out with...? Maybe the answer is more "yes" than any of us want to admit. I think one's greatest asset is their personality, but how does one's personality get expressed in the absence of socialization. Its like trying to converse with a door; without feedback from the door, does the door find me interesting?

1:30 - I'm realizing that I'm still writing because I'd rather be talking. This is very one-sided, and I fear the door indeed does not find me interesting. My inboxes are empty, most people I know are in bed, and I feel alone.

Maybe I'm depressed. On reading this, I think I sound depressed. I'm about ready to delete the whole thing, but I probably should post it. Moreover, I should post something else another day, when I'm in a better mood. The contrast would be good to see.

Didn't go to work today, and I think the isolation is getting to me. Tomorrow will be better. I'll be at work, I'll see people. Plus it's Wednesday. I go out on Wednesday nights. (Sometimes I feel like an old man, my life is scheduled in such an odd way.) Get to see some friends, have something to look forward to during the day. I really hope Charlie isn't a douchebag tomorrow night.

1:45 - Stopped caring so much about what the door thinks. If all of MySpace thinks I'm the biggest jack-ass ever to turn on a PC, I can deal. If the people who do know me from outside of here can't figure out why I'm a douchebag tonight... well... I hope they'll get over it. I've been very angry at many things lately. When that stops, maybe I'll go back and express myself in a happier way.

Its been the better part of an hour that I've been writing this, hopefully it doesn't take nearly that long to read. I'm going to end this here, mainly because I don't know if there's a size limit, or if this will even post when I'm done (remember my connectivity issues of tonight).

If you made it this far... thanks for listening.

Getting better

Archived MySpace blog
Current mood: calm


Valerium Root.
So last night I slept for the first time in months. And today I feel much better about things. I opted not to go out; good idea. I got some sleep, and woke up with new perspective on things.

Its amazing how much I was allowing lack of sleep to effect my mood. I still have stressful issues, but I think I can deal with them.

Now, looking ahead, John Valby! Tomorrow. I have to figure out the admission details, but I think I want to go after all. Always a good time. Plus I think most of the crew I missed on Wednesday will be there on Friday.

And oh, the debauchery. :) A's GF's *ehem*... always a parking lot favourite. Barnacle Bill... maybe the skank factor will be low, and certain people won't bail before the end of the song (you know who you are).

OK, gotta do some work today. I think its gonna be a good day.